


You're Ripped At Every Edge (But Your'e A Masterpiece)

by itsnotmyfault



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, HPA AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, so i found like 3 fics where someone actually goes "hey kaito you ok" and i will not stand for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-09 01:11:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18906475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotmyfault/pseuds/itsnotmyfault
Summary: Sometimes, a mask can be on for so long it causes wounds bigger than the ones it was covering up. (Or: Kaito has to grieve, but doesn't know how.)





	1. Let It All Out

**Author's Note:**

> One day im gonna write a fic where all the charactes are just snuggling together but today is not that day

Kaito’s eyes run over the letter again, as if he reads it enough, the truth will change. But no matter how many times he does, the message is clear.

 

His grandparents are dead.

 

The people who raised him. The people who told him to shoot for the stars when everyone else said he was doomed to stay on Earth. The people who payed for his training, celebrated when he was in Hope’s Academy. The people who made the Luminary of the Stars.

 

Kaito doesn’t know how to feel about that. He can’t fix it. He can’t will it away. He can’t encourage himself to keep going.

 

Not when he knows where he’s headed.

 

His mother and father never cared. He was an accident from the very beginning. He was never meant to be. They made sure he knew that. When he would walk into that house again, he’d know it’d be cold. And empty. Uncaring.

 

He knew the only reason he wasn’t on the streets was because he had grandparents.

 

 _They weren’t prepared,_ they said. _They needed time to adjust to having a son,_ they said. _He’ll go back with them soon,_ they said.

 

Who knew “soon” would mean 13 years later?

 

Kaito’s hands grip his sheets. The empty dorm only reminds him of how empty he feels. He’s always felt it. But now? It’s grown twice in size. The hole that’s filled with where he belongs. The hole that’s filled with love and care from others.

 

The hole his parents blew in him when he was 3.

 

He’s twitching, and can’t seem to lay still. It’s the middle of the day, and he’s lying in bed, trying to adjust his mind to what’s happening.

 

He knows the others have seen it. He knows the others will be worried, and try to break down the walls he’s spent so long building. Walls that hid his tears and saved him so much pain.

 

Or so he thinks.

 

Kaito doesn’t hear the small knock on the door, or it’s slow creaking. He’s too busy tracing the words on the letter, his mind lost to what he was going to tell his classmates.

 

He only realizes the dorm isn’t as empty as he thought when a small hand touches his shoulder.

_Momota-chan?_

 

He shoots up, desperately trying to hide the letter and the tears in his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, they didn’t notice.

 

But when he comes face to face with the detective, he knows it’s all for naught.

 

Shuichi’s eyes are clouded with worry. His voice is quiet and shaking, not unlike it was when Kaito first met him.

 

_Momota-chan, what’s happening?_

 

Kaito can’t lie. His mask has dug to far into his face, to the point where everyone can see the scars. The problem is, he doesn’t even know how to get it off anymore.

 

_Nothing._

 

It comes out harsher than he intends it to be, but he can apologize later. He can’t build up these walls again. The hero can’t fall from the same place he’s lifted so many others.

 

But a hand cups his face, clearly not fooled.

 

_Momota, please don’t lie. We’re all worried. You’ve been so different lately._

 

Kaito mentally curses at himself.

 

_I-It’s fine. I’ll take care of it._

 

Why is he stuttering? God he sounds so pathetic. He sounds so _weak_ , and he hates it.

 

_I don’t care._

 

Kaito blinks as he feels Shuichi’s arms grab his shoulders.

 

_I don’t care if you can take care of it. Can I take care of you?_

 

Kaito’s voice abandons him when he needs it the most.

 

He’s always been taking care of others. Because that’s what he’s best at. Loving others. Caring for others. Pushing for others to do the very best. He never thought twice about himself because thinking about himself hurts so much more than it should.

 

Nevertheless, Shuichi continues.

 _We want to help._ **_I_ ** _want to help. You’ve been so broken lately._

 

The hands on his shoulders squeeze tighter.

 

_I- you can’t. It’s impossible._

 

A nervous giggle.

 

_Didn’t you say it yourself? The impossible is possible, all you gotta do is make it so._

 

Kaito shatters.

 

He sobs, the tears he’s held back for years on end finally come pouring out. He can’t hold himself up properly, his hands fisting into the sheets. He buries his face into Shuichi, tears following him as he does so. Shuichi doesn’t say anything, simply moving his hands to his back, holding him up as his walls topple down.

 

_I can’t go back. It hurts. It hurts too much. They don’t want me. They never wanted me. The only people who wanted me are gone. I don’t know what to do Shuichi. I don't know. They hate me._

 

It doesn’t occur to Kaito how confused Shuichi must be, wondering who loved him and who made him like this. But the detective doesn’t stop.

 

_I want you._

 

Shuichi doesn’t know how much those words mean. How could he? If he did, he probably wouldn’t have said them in the first place. Those words dig into him, destroying whatever he had keeping his emotions in check. The words rip apart his world, leaving only a overheating core in his place.

 

He cries and cries and cries. He can’t see and doesn’t want too. Shuichi is all that matters right now. Because he _wants_ him. He _cares_ about him. And what that does to him. Oh god what it does to him.

 

He doesn’t know how long it goes on for until he finally manages to cry himself to sleep. A part of him whispers that he’ll have to face Shuichi when he wakes up, that he will have to tell him about where he’s going. That his mask has been ripped off and he will have to bandage up all the wounds. But at the moment, Kaito doesn’t care.

 

The world stops spinning, and for once, Kaito doesn’t really want to fix it.


	2. Letting Someone in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito and Shuichi find each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres the probably not that good squeal but I need kaito comfort. Hope you enjoy this!

The moment Kaito wakes up, a flood of voices fill his head. 

  

_ I don’t know Shuichi, Momota-kun is kinda hard to read? _

 

_ Speak for yourself, Aku-ku! Momo-chan’s as easy to read as a book! _

 

_ Then why don’t you say something helpful? _

 

He recognizes them immediately. Akamatsu. Maki. And… Kokichi? Why is he here? From what he can tell, they’re still in his room, and he hasn’t been moved from his spot on the bed. The tear stains have dried up, but their presence certainly hasn’t. 

 

God, what has he done?

 

_ Waaaa, Harukawas sooo scary! No wonder he didn’t tell us about this! _

 

_ Do you think it’s my fault for him bottling it up like this? _

 

_ Guys, come on! Fighting won’t solve anything. We’re lucky Momota-chan’s a deep sleeper, or we all would have woken him up!  _

 

Kaito wants to laugh. It’s kinda late for that, he wants to say. But he can hear them shuffle outside and close the door behind them, leaving him to ponder alone.

 

He let Shuichi in. And he let others in. His walls are gone. His mask has been ripped off for all to see. What is he supposed to do? 

 

He props himself up, and stares out. Evening has fallen. How long has he been asleep? Geez, he napped through a whole day. He’s been in his room for far too long. He needs to get out. 

 

A run sounds pretty good right about now. Sitting here isn’t going to solve his problems. 

 

So he gets up, slips on a light jacket, fixes his hair into a ponytail, and reaches for his running shoes. 

 

He quietly creaks out the door, and seeing that Shuichi and the others are gone, quietly tip toes out of the building. 

 

The cold air is so refreshing as he jogs around the campus. He can spot the leaves, turning greener and greener each day. Summer is coming closer and closer. Just like his parents.

  
  


He tries to get those thoughts out of his mind as he continues running, trying to distract himself from the undeniable truth. 

Running is to escape, not to be reminded of how he feels. 

 

He slows down, and stops at his and his sidekicks training spot. It’s empty, no doubt his sidekicks are still talking. About him. This is his fault. If only-

 

He sits down, counting the stars, trying to map out the constellations he’s been teaching himself for so long. 

 

Space has always been an escape fantasy, a far off dream. But with each day, it’s getting closer and closer. One of the few things that drew him in is how big it is. How empty it is. How much room there is to fly away. 

 

To be free. 

 

He loved his grandparents, but he always felt restrained to them. He was always wondering off, exploring and getting lost. Maybe that’s why he looked up at space. He could get lost in the stars without getting yelled at. 

 

He pictures his grandparents in heaven, seeing him flying, yelling at him to get down and clean his room. He laughs with regret, wishing he had been faster. 

 

But he wasn’t fast enough. He wasn’t good enough. He was never enough. That’s why he’s here, alone. He stares in the sky, but not looking at it. He’s looking at himself. 

 

The stars are what got him here. The stars are what led him away from his grandparents. If only he wasn’t here. If only he pursued something he wasn’t good at so that he could stay with them and-

 

_ Momota-chan! _

 

He turns.

 

Shuichi is running towards him. 

 

Oh fuck. 

 

Shuichi doesn’t run him over (thankfully) and stops once he’s close enough and breathes.

 

_ Y-you disappeared. I was worried.  _

 

Kaito smiles a broken smile, not unlike the one on his mask was.

 

_ I’m not like you, Shu. Staying cooped up in my room doesn’t make me feel better. _

Shuichi shoots him a look before sitting down. Silence follows, neither of them knowing what to say. Shuichi wasn’t even able to look people in the eye before, and Kaito isn’t exactly an expert at talking about his feelings. Hell, he barely even let his feelings out until today.

 

He sighs. 

 

_ Fuck Shu- I’m sorry.  _

 

He doesn’t expect the shocked look on Shuichi’s face. 

 

_ W-what? _

 

Kaito looks away, unable to face him. 

 

_ Sorry for breaking down like that. I-I just… I should’ve- _

 

A hand claps over his mouth. 

 

_ If you’re apologizing for letting your feelings out, then I don’t want to hear it.  _

 

Kaito lets out something muffled against his sidekick’s hand, unable to process what he just said.

 

_ You...you finally let me in. You finally told me how you were feeling. You let it all out, stopped pretending you were ok- and now you’re apologizing for it? _

 

The hand moves to his shoulder, and Kaito winces in how tight his grip is. 

 

_ Do you know how worried we were about you?! How scared we all were?! You can’t just-  _

 

He stops, trying to wipe away his tears. Kaito beats him to it, lifting up his face and cleaning his eyes with his finger. 

 

Surprisingly, Kaito laughs.

 

_ Neither of us know what we’re doing, do we? _

 

Shuichi lets out a choked giggle. 

 

_ I just… I just want to help you Momota-chan. You’ve helped me so much, you’ve helped everyone so much. Why can’t you take care of yourself- _

 

_ It hurts. _

 

Shuichi’s eyes widened at the other boy’s statement.

 

_ What? _

 

Kaito averts his eyes to the ground, his sidekick becoming too much to look at. 

 

_ It...it hurts to think about me, ya know? I mean, like, I don’t have to go in and solve your problems. I just have to make sure you’re strong enough to face them. But no matter how strong I become I can’t- _

 

He grabs at the grass.

 

_ I can’t face myself.  _

 

He hesitantly looks back at Shuichi. The detective has moved closer, legs almost touching. He’s staring straight at him, like he’s a case Shuichi is trying to solve.

 

Kaito, unsure of what to do, continues. 

 

_ It’s just- my grandparents were the one who raised me ya know? They stayed with me, even through my stupid testing phases. And now they’re just- they’re gone. Just like that. And I don’t know what to do. My parents never cared about me but now Ihavetogobacktothemand- _

 

He stops to take a breath. He feels a hand on his own, trying to give him some form of comfort. 

 

_ I.. I don’t know how to help you grieve. But I can say this- _

 

Shuichi grabs his face.

 

_ I’m here for you. We’re all here for you. And we’re not leaving. It doesn’t matter who’s taking care of you or who isn’t. We love you.  _

 

_ I love you. _

 

Kaito’s eyes widen at the last statement. Shuichi panics, like he always does, and tries to take it back.

 

_ I mean- I uh- _

 

Shuichi doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Kaito hugs him.

 

_ Thanks Shu. _

Shuichi can feel the water running down his back and he realizes that Kaito’s crying again. He hugs back, unsure of how to feel. Kaito speaks when Shuichi can’t.

 

_ I..I love you too. _

 

Shuichi realizes they’re both sobbing. 

 

He hugs him even tighter, unable to let go. They stay like that, the quiet sobs almost completely silent as they both process the other’s words. 

 

Finally, Shuichi speaks.

 

_ We should get back to the dorms Momota-kun. _

 

Kaito laughs a true honest laugh, one that he hasn’t heard in a long time. He slowly stands up, lifting Shuichi along with him.

 

_ Can you stay? _

 

Shuichi blinks twice, and Kaito panics.

 

_ I mean, if you want to. You can go back to your room. I mean- _

 

He’s silenced by a small kiss. It’s quick and was simply meant to shut him up, but it’s a kiss nonetheless.

 

_ Of course. You think I’ll just leave? _

 

Kaito smiles as they slowly walk back to the dorms.

 

He’s not alone anymore. He never was alone. And he’s still scared. But he has Shuichi. Shuichi can’t change his parents, but he can change Kaito. 

 

And maybe that’s exactly what Kaito needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are my organs and comments are my lifeblood. Thanks for reading this story!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a Kudos if you liked the story, and comments always make my day.


End file.
